File this one under random thoughts in the shower, but how embarrassed must have
U.S. Customs Agent Dave Kujan felt after the credits rolled in
The Usual Suspects when he rolled back into the precinct, head hanging low, knowing that he had to tell everyone else that he just got played by mythical criminal Keyser Soze and then let him walk? I'm going to say pretty embarrassed. I mean, to start, he already broke a coffee glass, spilled coffee everywhere, and wasn't fast enough to a fake cripple (fakripple?). First of all, what the hell was a U.S. Customs Agent doing interviewing the sole witness capable of talking about this vast conspiracy, multiple murders, and shoot out at the docks. Does he even have the training for that? Who let him have at it like that? I'm guessing
Sgt. Rabin got some shit for this debacle as well. Some other off the top of my head questions I'm sure he faced from Special Agent Baer and others post-credit rolling:
- Didn't someone tell you that a fax with Soze's likeness would be coming through? Why wasn't someone on that immediately?
- Oh, my bad, I forgot that you are an mother#(%^Q)@ U.S. Customs Agent so of course not.
- Sidenote, who the hell let you in there anyway?
- Oh, you let him go because you were satisfied that Keaton faked his death again? So that's what makes sense? Good police work, dickbag.
- Nobody looked into this Kobayashi character? Maybe checked out some known associates? Really, nobody? Wow.
- What kind of name is Verbal Kint anyway? Anyone look into that one? No? Fantastic.
- Again, and I don't mean to make too fine of a point out of this, but he was the only go@%)&@#n survivor of a massacre and only witness the state has and no one thought to look after him? Maybe follow him a little bit or have a uniform take him home?
- Ugh, you are the worst. Get the hell outta here and go back to chasing down counterfeit CDs and Nikes or whatever the hell it is you actually do regularly. But, seriously, how the hell were you the one doing this interview? F&%* me in the goat ass....
The more I watch this movie, the more I realize that I'm basically sitting around biding my time for the end, which doesn't really make a good movie, does it? What it makes is a good twist, but that does not make a movie. In essence, it's really a cheap parlor trick to compensate for what is generally an unimpressive and slow-moving plot, of which we don't even know what elements of are actually true, if any. So really, do we have any idea about what went down with those four dudes, or is the entire thing just the spontaneous false tellings of a mysterious madman? I know one thing about Keyser Soze (yes I had to look the spelling up); he is one hell of a jongleur.
ReplyDeleteOh, and my theory is that Dave Kujan was in on the whole thing, involved as his alter ego, known gangster Sonny Lospecchio (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106489/).
My name is NoMas Paine and I approve of this message. Especially the last bit. Clearly the Bronx Tale don made all of this go down. I'm just mad I had not thought of it. The only reason he was mad at Detective Keaton was because he got screwed in his take. You are a genius Mr. Morgan.
DeleteOh, and in that photo Davey boy looks like a real schoolboy, all pleased with himself right before the realization bomb drops on his ass.....face! Face, Davey, you smug son of a bitch! Fuck customs!
ReplyDeleteYour mom doesn't read your blog, does she?
ReplyDelete